Gratitude in the midst of uncertainty
I'm still struggling at work. A bad hire is worse than not hiring, and I have no doubt in my mind that my bosses regret hiring me. A young superstar in my team is now more comfortable in showing his disdain for me. I don't blame him. He cares a lot about the work and having me in his team is effectively sabotaging his career.
My weekends are filled with anxiety. For me it seems like working weekend is not the answer to "How do I get more done in a week?" because I find it monumentally difficult to even get started. It's currently 8pm on a Sunday and I'm somehow still pretending that I might do a bit of work later today. What a joke.
I live a good life. I want to be more grateful with what I have:
On Friday night I played a lot of poker with my friends until 3am. One of them stayed over at my place and in the afternoon we had lunch while complaining about how stressed out we were.
I've been playing slay the spire 2 and improving a lot. I made some fatal misplays in the last few runs but these are the most instructive runs anyway.
I watched an awesome UFC event with a friend which rekindled my passion for the sport.
I cooked chicken soup and ate dinner early, so I will be less bloated at night and get more restful sleep.
Last weekend I met a wonderful person. We had a great conversation while I munch through mediocre Mexican food. I learned a lot about the (dire) state of American public school and students in the tiktok era. She even shared what goes on behind the scenes in teacher offices with all the petty drama that goes with it. I learned how she discovered her passion for teaching. I saw the determination, grit and sacrifices it took to become a teacher. We talked and talked for hours. She somewhat abruptly ended our meeting and we haven't talked much since. No matter what, I still had the loveliest time. I'm grateful I met her and I hope we will meet again.
My sister is getting married. I'm so happy for her and my parents. She deserves happiness so much. My parents are so lucky to have her as a daughter.
My family is supportive of my choices. I'm privileged to be provided with an incredible safety net. I will be fine even if I get fired tomorrow.
Life is such a great gift. I can go to bed tonight knowing that everything is fine today and everything will be fine tomorrow. Honestly, I got it so good.